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Marriages Over Troubled Waters

Success not only in a career is one of the major aspirations of many. A successful marriage can help promote peace, well-being, and the general experience of a flourishing life. As life becomes more complicated and uncertain, the cases of unsuccessful marriages are skyrocketing and causing devastating damage to vital aspects of human life.

While there are those who find peace, comfort, and joy in their marriages, there are also those who seemed to be trapped in dungeons of violence and apathy. There are also those who seemed like trapped spiders in huge webs of deceit and abuse. There are those who enter marriage like a mighty eagle but now face the mirror and see the face of a battered bird.

The breakdown of marriages is a phenomenon that threatens the most vital institution in society, the family. As the basic unit of society, the family must be protected. How important is family to you?

While not all problematic marriages lead to separation, there are those who continually find ways to cope and find solutions to mend what was broken. When the realization that marriage can no longer be mended whatever they do, there are those who seek legal remedies.

There are so many reasons why marriages are troubled. Infidelity, addiction, barriers in communication, abuses, financial issues, incompatibility, neglect and irresponsibility, and more. But more so, it is in the lack of understanding and acceptance of the spouse. It is also of the lack of competence of the person to enter into marriage. Love is not enough reason and resource to get married. It takes proper timing and readiness. Marriage is not to complete the other. It is not a solution to boredom or a task to be ticked off on one’s life list. One enters into marriage because aside from an overflowing passion and intimacy with the other, there is the readiness to commit.

Fairy tales are just but tales. Princes and princesses can turn into frogs. Frogs you have met during your dates can turn out to be fine and kind lovers. If you are not yet married, remember that marriage is not a race. It is a lifetime commitment. Do not be too excited with sparkly diamond rings and romantic proposals. Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person? To be with this person for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health? Will you love, respect, and honor this person for as long as you live?

To those whose marriages are experiencing troubles, where do these come from? Are both of you willing to save the marriage? Research would tell us that aside from love which is composed of three dimensions; intimacy, passion, and commitment, there are two that are equally important – kindness and generosity. The secret of any flourishing relationship is not just to love but to be kind and generous to the other. How about asking these questions to your spouse; Am I loving you the way you wanted to be loved? How can I love you more?”

The problem does not only lie to your spouse or the people around you. Let go of the pride and take a closer look at your own yourself. Are there things you need to work on?

You may be living through a trying time in your life. Persevere to find a way of this difficulty. Break down the barriers to communication with your spouse. Seek help when necessary. Exhaust all efforts to save the marriage. If you have exhausted all efforts and the same remain, well, I might need to write a separate article for that.